Unsuccessful Dater Scenario

A typical scenario in the life of an unsuccessful single looks something like this:

• Disappointed with past romantic experiences and love partners
• Frustrated due to a huge gap between their desired and available pool of dating options
• Hoping for a miracle to come and not knowing where to look for it
• Waiting for a lucky future to bring them happiness, love, and a partnership they desire
• Fighting the present situation with tools of manipulation to change their partner’s behaviors and correct the unfair developments in their relationships
• Fighting for what they believe they deserve and ignoring the fact that others aren’t offering it voluntarily
• Being indecisive and too picky without ever recognizing an absolute lack of available options that could match their expectations

Mistake Of Fighting The Present

“There is a choice, but there is no freedom of choice,” thought Alice, standing in front of the entrance to the rabbit hole. She knew that, despite all the variety of choices, she would now step into the unknown anyway, because she had brought herself here with her previous steps. We make a choice long before we come to the crossroads, she thought, and when we come to the point of choice, we can only choose what was conditioned by our previous choices. And that’s why there is no choice” ~ Lewis Carroll  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Most of the people’s problems happen as they do not see, accept, or agree with reality. They are trying to change the existing circumstances in the present moment. This approach causes them a lot of pain and suffering. It also weakens them—reducing their significance and influence.

The only choice you can make is for the future; fighting the present is pointless and only causes pain and suffering. Present circumstances must be recognized and accepted. In order to change your life for the better, you must take action in the present so that you reshape your future.

Your choice in the present depends only on the current circumstances. And your future depends on the level of your conscious self-regulation, as well as the degree to which you believe that you have control over the outcome of events in your life—as opposed to external forces beyond your control.

Your future and your future options depend only on you. The best approach is:

The Past:         to let go of the past after recognizing and owning your mistakes
The Present    to accept the present with gratitude instead of resenting it
The Future:     to be proactive towards the future

Unconscious singles have it upside down. Instead of accepting the present reality and working on their self-improvement, they choose to resist—fighting others in the present. By doing this, they kill their flow of spontaneity and reduce their significance, influence, and attractiveness.

The Past

In the past, you had the power to choose, influence, and utilize circumstances for a better future. You could have chosen something better than what’s happening to you now. Unfortunately, you were obsessed with the present—which is now the past. You struggled with what was already predetermined. You were tormented by the illusion of choice.

The Present

Water Element / Emotions Sphere / Alchemical Queen / Spontaneity / Vital Energy

Just live and enjoy with pleasure. Feel the moment. Grow your vital energy, accumulate more wisdom and experience, and improve.

Imagine a professional freestyle skier or surfer—sensitive, flexible, balanced, and in complete surrender to the waves of the flow. He is focusing and ensuring the next turn is smooth; melting into the current without fighting it.

The Future

Air Element / Mental Sphere / Alchemical King / Locus Of Control / Self-regulation

Your future is in your hands and depends on your current choices and self-discipline. It is made in the present. It doesn’t come to you from far away as a gift or good luck. Options available to you today match your level at the present moment.

We can help you with expanding your possibilities, but the essential element for your success is not just to meet or to get introduced to the desired options—but rather, to attract and be able to maintain long-lasting connections. That’s why self-work becomes so crucial.

Lack Of Spontaneity 

People have little spontaneity—they are over-comprehending what is happening and attempting to change the existing moment. They are analyzing, measuring, and thinking ahead instead of acting in the flow. That flow should be simply accepted—preferably with gratitude and humor. Take it easy.

The choice in the present depends on the actual current circumstances. Everything that happens to you in the present is already predetermined by YOUR previous actions and was NOT created by others or influenced by external circumstances. Without accepting this simple truth, life appears to be a painful struggle for so many.

Love is always spontaneous. You can make yourself stop loving someone, but you cannot force yourself to fall in love with anyone! And people believe that they’re making a choice! Usually, it is a spontaneous, involuntarily process.  You fall for someone who happened to be available in your current circle of influence—someone matching your energetic vibrations and level of consciousness.

What people call a choice is usually one or two potential options more or less matching their expectations. And if that other party is interested as well? Then, they call it good luck. But the majority of the available options are not interesting to them, and the interesting ones are not available.

Once the available and exciting option is caught—and even after some adjustments and compromises—they later discover that option was far from what they hoped for. Then, they restlessly begin the search again—now for an even better option than the previous one.

What a paradoxical illusion of choice!